United we stand, divided we fall
by Shadow Of Castiel
Summary: Castiel and Dean discover a setback in their relationship, breaking up momentarily. Rated M for adult content. Dean/Castiel


**AUTHOR'S NOTES** - This is written for bellaraina, who wanted Dean and Castiel breaking up, when Dean couldn't admit that Castiel had captured his heart. This fic does have a very happy ending though! XD

* * *

**UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL**

Dean sat alone, staring out at Pleasure Bay Beach, feeling none of the pleasure that the beach name suggested. He watched seagulls drift lazily overhead, winging through the air freely, without a care in the world to slow them down or hamper their wings. He sighed, didn't turn away, just pushed his balled fists further down into the pockets of his warming leather jacket.

It was nearing the end of the day, and most of the swimmers and sightseers were drifting home, elsewhere in Boston, leaving a few stragglers behind, screaming children, and Dean himself and the birds. One tear fell unbidden from his eye, and Dean's heart felt like it should break open in his chest. If God came down and smote him where he sat, it would be an easy death in comparison to the slow death by self imposed heart break he was feeling right now.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I'm so sorry," Dean murmured to himself, wiping at his tears as more joined the first, coursing down his face and staining his cheeks in wet streaks, making his skin shine with salt stained tears.

He thought once more of his argument with Castiel, of the stupid reason behind it. Even Dean could recognize that the argument had been his fault, not Castiel's; the blame was squarely on Dean and Dean alone.

"Why can't I just admit to loving Cas?" Dean murmured with frustration, remembering again Castiel's angry, hurt face when all the angel had asked for from Dean was three simple words - I love you.

Dean winced at the response he'd given, of not doing those chick flick moments, which had made the situation worse. Castiel had said that if Dean truly loved him, he wouldn't have a problem admitting it. At the time, Dean knew that Castiel's words were true, that Castiel had captured his heart in a way that no one else had before or would again, but he still couldn't admit it.

He thought that as soon as he made his love manifest with three simple, yet loaded words, then something would happen to Castiel; that he'd find some reason to leave him, to get hurt or worse, die. Dean knew that he couldn't bear that, couldn't survive that, which was the reason why he couldn't tell Castiel he loved him. After that realization, Dean had walked out, shouting over his shoulder that they were done, finished, through, they were breaking up.

Even now, after the argument, after their subsequent break up, Dean knew he loved Castiel still, knew he loved him more than life itself, and would do anything for him still if only Castiel would let him. His love for the angel was like a physical pain, unbearable under its own weight but even more so now that he was denying it. Out of the two situations, being without Castiel was far worse than admitting he loved him.

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean said again, more tears joining those already shed. "Forgive me."

He closed his eyes, and turned away, hoping to draw less attention to himself if people perhaps couldn't see him crying, feeling disgusted with himself but unable to stop nonetheless. Wings beat against the air nearby and at first Dean thought it was only the seagulls, coming too close to land at his feet, to peck at fallen food tossed to the ground by over excited children, or fallen from people's food cartons while no one noticed.

Dean stared blindly out at the water, the sunset, the glimmer of fading light playing out across the waves in shimmering bursts of red-orange-yellow-lilac light before his vision blurred once more. He felt broken, bereft of hope, bereft of life and love and everything he'd called his own such a short time before.

"Hello, Dean," said Castiel's voice nearby, sadness darkening his usual gruff tones into something darker still, heart-rending, as heart-broken as Dean was himself.

Dean flinched, realizing his mistake previously. It hadn't been birds flying down to peck at discarded food, it had been Castiel come to find him, to talk. Despite himself, Dean's heart leapt, rose in his chest as he turned to face Castiel, trying to fight back the hope, the love, the desire he knew to be brimming in his chest, in his heart and all directed towards the angel standing before him.

Dean nearly broke, nearly folded Castiel into his arms when he saw how fragile Castiel looked in that one instant. The angel's eyes were downcast, and his face seemed swallowed by the wideness of them, tears hanging unshed in his eyes. He looked uncomfortable, uncertain as to whether he should even be there and he turned away, as though to leave.

"What are you doing here? I wanted to be alone," Dean said, trying for anger and hating himself for it.

"Sam said you were here. He said I needed to talk to you," Castiel murmured, pain still evident in his voice, the set of his body.

"And is that why you came? Because Sam said so? That's great," Dean replied, turning away, wiping messily at his tears and pinching the bridge of his nose to get rid of the sudden pounding headache clawing at his eyes.

"No, Dean. Sam is not the real reason, I came," Castiel said forcefully. "I shouldn't have come. You don't even want me."

With that, Castiel's wings glimmered into shadowy life from between his shoulderblades, translucent against the backwash of light from the sunset, bouncing off the bay and the ever moving waves. Dean's heart felt like it was being physically ripped from his chest with that one small movement, and the appearance of the angel's wings. He knew that if Castiel left now, it really would be over. Dean knew that he wouldn't allow that.

"Cas, no," Dean said, reaching out to grip the angel's shoulder gently. "Please, don't go. If you leave now, then you'll never come back."

Castiel didn't turn around, but at least he didn't leave either. His wings folded away as though indicating his further intent to stay. His face turned to Dean's although his body stayed stationary, facing Pleasure Beach Bay and away from Dean. The hunter could see the unmistakeable track of Castiel's tears running down his thin, fragile cheeks and Dean felt even more like the most uncaring, unfeeling dick in the world.

"I didn't know you could cry, Cas," Dean said, walking round Castiel's body when it looked like the angel wouldn't physically face him himself. "I thought angels were - "

"Emotionless? We're not, Dean," Castiel replied, voice thick with tears as he tried to turn away once more. "Not all of us are emotionless."

Dean wouldn't let him, bracing hands holding him still, gripping his arms and making the angel stay where he was, facing him.

"I feel, Dean. I can cry," Castiel continued. "I cry because I care. I care about you. I love you."

Dean's heart felt like it was crumbling in his chest, turning into so much fire and ash within him and it didn't make him feel any better. To think that he'd considered just throwing all that he had away with Castiel, all that was right and perfect with the world, just on a senseless whim.

"I didn't know, Cas," Dean whispered, too teared up to talk above a whisper. "God help me, but I didn't know."

Castiel remained silent, face turned resolutely away, lips trembling with still unshed tears while still others coursed down his too pale skin making him seem ghostly rather than angelic right then. Dean watched him, watched his eyes close and dark eyelashes fan out around his eyes, a single tear squeezing past them to fall unchecked down towards his plump lips.

Dean realized then in that instant that he'd been wrong, He couldn't live without Castiel and never had been able to. Since the time they'd first met, the first time they'd kissed, the first time they'd hugged, the first time they'd made love, Castiel had been a huge, undeniable part of Dean Winchester's life and an even bigger part of Dean himself. Castiel was like a further extension of Dean; one half to a whole, and without each other, they were weaker.

The hunter was reminded of an old saying he'd once heard - United we stand, divided we fall. It had never seemed more relevant to him before in his life than it did in that one instant. He knew they both would fall if they left one another. His hands clenched, flexed, wavered on Castiel's arms, but still the angel refused to look at him.

"Cas, look at me," Dean begged, suddenly wanting to see those beautiful blue eyes gazing upon him with their old love once more. "Please look at me, Cas."

As if touched by the unashamed begging plea in Dean's voice, Castiel turned his eyes up to Dean's. Although there still were tears shimmering in his eyes and falling unchecked sometimes down his cheeks, there now glimmered a spark of hope unbridled, of love waiting to be set free once more. Dean offered him a shaky smile of relief, glad that he hadn't killed everything off like he usually did.

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean said, head shaking slowly from side to side sadly, one tear falling from his chin in one shining droplet. "I am so, so sorry."

"In all the time I've known you, Dean, you've never once said sorry. Not to anyone," Castiel observed, voice slightly stronger now, as a shaky smile of acceptance wavered on his mouth.

"Yeah? Well, I'm saying it to you, now," Dean said, fingers stroking down Castiel's arms to wrap around the angel's fingers tentatively.

Castel accepted the gesture, hands gripping his as though he never wanted to let go, eyes large and yearning as he stared almost adoringly at Dean.

"I am sorry for all the things I said to you. I should never have said any of it, not to you. You didn't deserve it, any of it," Dean said, staring at him helplessly, wondering if Castiel would ever forgive him.

Forgive me my trespasses, flittered through Dean's mind and he batted the annoying thought away, thinking that this was no time for spouting the Lord's Prayer and suddenly going religious while trying to apologize to his lover. Okay, so his lover happened to be an angel, but there still was no reason to go all religious on a person's ass.

"No, Dean, I didn't," Castiel said, reprovingly, but still not drawing away from Dean, giving the hunter much needed hope then.

"It's just - " and Dean broke off his own words, feeling at a loss for words.

He knew what he wanted to say, but not quite how to say them. The words were there but they refused to flow as easily as he would have liked, maybe because they meant so much more than any words he'd ever spoken to anyone before, especially now that they'd even fought over them.

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel prompted, patient as ever, as another tear fell from his eyes while he stared.

"I've never had anyone to call my own before, Cas. No one who wanted to be with me for any length of time, you know?" and Dean swiped at the tears standing half formed in his eyes. "And everyone that did stick around - they died. Mom. Dad. Sam, once. Bobby almost. You on one occasion. I'm scared it will happen to you again, that you won't come back next time. Everything I touch turns to shit, Cas, everything."

Dean turned away, wiping his forearm forcibly across his eyes and trying to make the tears disappear by any means necessary.

"I can't take it, Cas. If you go, I won't have anyone left that I - " and Dean stopped.

"What, Dean?" Castiel prompted, even though he knew what Dean was about to say.

"I won't have anyone left that I love," and Dean sucked back a painful breath, lips quivering as he stared blindly up at the sky. "There I've said it. Finally, I've said it. I love you, Cas. I don't want to go through the rest of my life without you there by my side. Even today it was too much, unbearable. And what was that? All of three hours?"

"It was one and a half. I counted," Castiel said softly.

Dean whirled on the angel and Castiel flinched slightly, almost expecting to be hit for his presumptuousness.

"One and a half? Is that all it was? Well, it nearly killed me, Cas. It nearly killed me," Dean said, coming forward to wrap his arms around Castiel in a tight hug, snuffles of tears against the angel's shoulder.

Cstiel's arms slid gently around Dean's body, fingers soothing and caressing the hunter as he made soothing noises in Dean's ear. Castiel's eyes were closed when Dean next looked at him, but it didn't hide the tears still trapped there.

"I'm sorry, Cas. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave," and Dean pressed an urgent kiss to Castiel's soft, responsive mouth, kissing him as though it was their last time.

Castiel tasted of salty tears, both from his own eyes and Dean's, mixed with something sweet that was like cotton candy but purer, sweeter, undershot with a taste that was all Castiel. Dean had dreamt of that taste in the dead of night on the rare occasions when he was alone, when Castiel himself couldn't be there, and the hunter always craved it, craved Castiel himself.

Castiel kissed Dean back, deepening the kiss urgently, need, want, love pouring out of him and washing his tears away as he felt Dean real against his lips, against his body, tasting of all that was familiar and of home, the faint traces of the last burger Dean had eaten, the apple pie afterwards that was simultaneously sweet and tangy and the intoxicating flavor of Dean himself.

Dean chased after Castiel, an angry noise in his throat when the angel pulled away, but Castiel shook his head at him, eyes smiling now instead of crying.

"I love you Dean Winchester. I am never leaving you ever. Despite what you say in misguided moments," Castiel told him, eyes trained intently on Dean's watery green gaze. "I have never had anything to call my own ever, for thousands of years. I haven't even had free will until recently. So what makes you think I am giving up the first piece of happiness, of love I have ever had, Dean?"

Dean pulled away, looking surprised at Castiel's speech. He'd never thought of that before, had never looked at the situation in the way that Castiel viewed it and he felt guilty. He turned his contrite gaze onto Castiel, and almost didn't know what to say to him.

"I am sorry, Cas, for everything. I'd rather die than hurt you again, ever," and Dean leant in to kiss Castiel again.

Castiel responded, but it was lazy this time, without the force and the intensity the kiss had had before, love pouring from their mouths to join as their tongues joined thick and heavy in mid air. Dean sighed, chest rising and falling against Castiel's, one hand wrapped tightly around the angel's tie in a fist. He felt Castiel's slender hand draped around the back of his neck, bearing down on him possessively and never letting him get within a few inches of Castiel's tempting, pretty mouth.

"If you ever threaten to leave me again, Dean, I will kill you myself," Castiel said, darkly, but the shimmer in his blue eyes told Dean that he wasn't as serious as his tone implied.

"You love me that much, huh?" Dean rejoined, trying to smile but his lips were too wobbly with relief.

"Yes, Dean," Castiel replied, gaze never leaving Dean's for an instant.

"I'm glad," Dean said, as he grinned with relief at the angel before him. "Me too. I'd kill you if you ever tried to leave me."

Castiel's forever surprising bassy chuckle split the air and tickled across Dean's cheeks, his lips, vibrated through his chest with easy familiarity and Dean sagged in Castiel's arms with unbound relief. The storm had passed, had blown away and left only love behind, and each other, back where they belonged.

"I guess this is the part where we have angry make up sex, isn't it?" Dean asked, hopefully.

"Yes, Dean, I guess it is that time," Castiel purred against Dean's mouth approvingly.

"Oh God, yes! I was kinda hoping you'd say that," Dean replied, feeling his heart soar within his body as free as the earlier seagulls that flew through the air earlier on. "Can we go somewhere more private?"

Castiel nodded slowly, before pressing his fingers to Dean's forehead gently, transporting them to a private stretch of beach with a rush of wind, a clatter of feathers, a spread of warmth and love through Dean's body. Castiel leant in, pressed fervent lips against Dean's own firm mouth, hands grappling with Dean's leather jacket and pushing it from the hunter's broad shoulders. He let the jacket fall to the sand beneath them, swiftly followed by his own coat, Dean's shirt and t shirt, Castiel's suit jacket, pants, tie and shirt, until they stood there in their boxers, warm wind whipping at their bodies in gentle eddies.

Dean eased Castiel onto his back, soft sand spreading beneath the angel's body beneath his outstretched tan coat in comforting shifting dunes, lips locked in a passionate kiss, hands exploring each other's bodies hungrily. Dean reached for his jacket, slid his hand inside to feel for an inside pocket and the lube, cursed when his hand came up empty.

Castiel's eyes shone in the light of the setting sun, as he reached for his own coat, slender fingers easing the lube from the depths of one pocket and handing it to Dean swiftly. The hunter smiled, in surprise at Castiel's fore-sightedness, making Castiel shrug one naked shoulder at him, a rueful expression caught upon his face, in his eyes.

"Hope never dies, Dean," he said, quietly, eyes still retaining some of the hope still left in his body.

"Thank God for that," Dean responded, making them both laugh, before taking the lube from Castiel's still outstretched fingers gently.

The hunter spread the lube onto waiting trembling fingers before sliding his hand between their aching, ready bodies, eagerly. He stroked his fingers across Castiel's sensitive hole gently, teasing him with tickling strokes, smiling when he felt Castiel's fingers twist and grip his bare shoulders to the point of pain.

Castiel's gasps, moans, cries came hard and fast from parted, plump lips, growing louder with intensity and begging, pleading with Dean to go faster, to hurry, to fuck him. Dean groaned, felt his dick jerk with unrestrained need as he eased one finger inside his lover's hole, heard the whimpers that whined from Castiel's throat, breaking like fragile glass in the air between them. He eased further in, claimed Castiel's gaping mouth in a heated kiss, sliding his tongue into his lover's wet, warm mouth gently. His tongue fucked into his lover's mouth, mirroring his thoughts of what he wanted to do to him in the near future with his dick.

The angel's hands grappled with Dean's bare shoulders, purls of need escaping from his mouth and travelling into Dean's, to be swallowed down by the hunter. Dean added another finger, made Castiel's cries grow louder, louder still when he found Castiel's prostate and started stroking it gently.

Castiel's hips bucked, as gasps fell from his mouth, sounding louder in the air than the waves breaking on the shore nearby, eyes wide, staring, no longer innocent or sad, just clouded with intense lust, happiness, love, and all laid bare for Dean. The hunter couldn't take any more, needed to be inside Castiel as soon as possible. He eased his fingers away from Castiel's hole and swept lube over his straining cock swiftly, lube mixing with strands of pre-cum across his taut flesh.

He settled in closer to Castiel's body, warm flesh comforting beneath his own, as he eased slowly into Castiel's tight hole gently. Dean didn't want to hurt Castiel, so took it easy, waited for the initial pain to ease from Castiel's face, taut lines softening into a beautiful smile at his lover. Dean smiled back, leant in for a soft, lingering kiss, before he started moving inside Castiel, rolling his hips languidly against the angel's, soft moans breaking the air and mingled with shuddering gasps.

Castiel's hands slid down Dean's body, cupped the hunter's ass and pressed upon his flesh as though encouraging him to go deeper. Dean groaned and complied, deepening his thrusts while still taking it slow, languid, cries falling from their open mouths as they fucked on an empty beach. Castiel dragged his hand up Dean's body, rested his palm against the burnt scar he'd left there many moons ago when dragging Dean from Hell. His hand against the scar was still a perfect fit, warm, gentle, comforting in its way and Dean shuddered at the contact. He felt a flare of recognition bursting soul deep within him, racing through him and consuming all that he was, all that he ever would be and he came, released hot strands of his thick release inside Castiel. The angel's name was like a cadence on his lips, in his mind, ripped from deep inside him as he climaxed, scaring roosting seabirds from their nearby perches with his intense cry.

Castiel watched Dean's face, at the intense look of release tightening his expression, at the intense sound of love wrenched deep from within Dean's body. Castiel shifted beneath Dean, wrapped his hand around his stiff member before stroking himself quickly to completion. It didn't take long and his hand was covered with the evidence of his spend, spilling out onto Dean's salt-sweat-slick skin in clinging strands.

Dean felt Castiel's arms cradle his body, holding him close, supporting him as they both came down from blissful highs, souls seeming to match and to soar and unite between them. Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean's open mouth, soft lips lingering against Dean's firmer ones, as Dean responded. Their moans mingled, soft murmurs of love shared and never broken as their bodies remained entwined, hands caressing as though never wanting to let each other go.

The suddenly jarring sound of Dean's ringtone split the air, disturbing their kiss, their caresses, their satisfied, loving moans and Dean retrieved his phone with a curse.

"It's probably Sam," Dean said at Castiel's questioning glance, guileless blue eyes intent on Dean's face. "I'd best answer; we've been gone ages. He's probably wanting me to plait his hair or something."

Castiel's comforting and always surprising laugh rumbled through the air as Dean connected with Sam on the other end. The angel listened as Dean answered, telling Sam where he was, and who he was with.

"Castiel found me, Sam," came Dean's response to an unheard question. "No, I didn't send him away. He's still here."

Dean paused and Castiel waited, caressing one sand covered hand down Dean's exposed chest.

"What d'you mean, Sammy? Me and Cas are very much on! We're back together again," Dean replied, face brightening into an expression of such joy, Castiel had to smile softly at his lover.

Sam's approving cheer was plainly evident over the indistinct phone connection, and Castiel's smile broadened.

"We're coming back, Sammy. Both of us," Dean assured his brother to some unheard question, before the hunter laid a kiss upon Castiel's sweet mouth gently.

The hunter disconnected on Sam's next words, knowing that his brother would forgive him for that, this time. All he could think about was Castiel's body pressed against his, his mouth so soft and sweet against his own, his hands pressing against his skin with twin comforting weights. Finally, reluctantly, Dean pulled away, staring down into Castiel's eyes tenderly.

"What is it, Dean?" Castiel asked, voice amused, warm, tender. "You look like you have something to say to me."

"You were right, Cas. Every word you said to me earlier was true. If I truly loved you, then I shouldn't have a problem with admitting it. I can't live without you," and Dean looked away, looking uncomfortable, yet determined as though there was still more he had left to say.

Castiel waited, knew he would wait for Dean for as long as Dean needed.

"This isn't easy for me, Cas," Dean admitted, finally looking back to Castiel, eyes bright with some emotion that wasn't tears. "The way I feel about you, I've never had that before - with anyone. You captured my heart like no one else has and I doubt they ever will again. I'm sorry. I didn't mean - "

And he looked away, looking genuinely distraught over what he'd almost done, over all that he'd almost thrown away.

"I know you didn't mean it, Dean. Apologies accepted. I can't live without you either, but I'm not scared to say I love you," Castiel said. "I've never had anyone to love before, at all."

Dean looked sad at that, then he said - "I love you, Cas. I really do."

Castiel's smile was beautiful, radiant, was well worth the unfamiliar words of love from Dean and the hunter pressed a fervent kiss to his lover's still smiling mouth. Dean pulled away reluctantly once more, before he eased himself away from Castiel's body, helping the angel up with one outstretched hand.

"C'mon, Cas," Dean said, wearily. "Best get back to the motel room. We have the rest of our lives together to do whatever we want."

"Yes, Dean, I'd like that," Castiel replied, intense gaze resting on Dean's for a moment before he started to get dressed once more.

Dean watched him for a while, at his ease of movement, his grace, his beauty shining from within and the hunter shook his head. Castiel stopped while pulling on his tan coat, catching Dean's movement.

"I must have been crazy," Dean said, with a rueful smile. "To think I could live without you."

"You are not crazy, Dean. At least, you aren't now," and Castiel turned away to hide his smile.

Dean's expression turned mock-sour before he said - "Thanks, Cas."

Castiel's shoulders were shaking slightly, with laughter this time rather than tears, before he said - "No problem. Any time."

Dean had to laugh at that, before he, too, dressed, grimacing slightly at the amount of sand that had gotten into places he didn't even know he possessed.

"This sand is gross, Cas. As soon as we get back to the motel, we're taking a shower," Dean remarked, catching up with his lover easily and throwing an easy arm around his waist.

"Yes, Dean, I think that wise," Castiel agreed, blue eyes shining and translucent as he turned his gaze up to Dean's.

"Wanna join me? Can't waste that water, you know," Dean said, waggling his eyebrows at his lover suggestively.

"Yes, that would be a waste of water, and an opportunity as well, I think," and Castiel pursed his lips in a pleased pout up at Dean.

Dean smiled, then leant in for another kiss, knowing that all was fine between them now, that theirs was a bond that never would be broken by anything. It was as he'd thought before - United we stand, divided we fall. Truer words were never spoken, nor ever would be again ...

-fini-


End file.
